I Wish
by amianfan102
Summary: For I'm-A-Fallen-Angel39's bipolar/multiple personality contest! Amy here has been diagnosed with multiple personalities, much to Ian's confusion. And poor Amy is starting to feel like a shade of gray on her spectrum. Rated T for a reason, guys!


**Here's my entry for I'm-A-Fallen-Angel39's CONTEST! Haha, it's a bit different than my other stories….actually, a lot. Tell me what you think! And it's rated T for a good reason. Um, there's a _very _**_**mean**_** description of Amy's other personality, so I'm just warning you. And a bit of making out… And a lot of angst.**

**I Wish...**

I was sitting in my guest room at the Cahill mansion, on my computer, bored to death. It was only six in the morning, and I had been woken up at the ungodly hour of four a.m. by that devil's incarnate they called Saladin the cat.

Waking up with an angry cat on your chest is not something I would suggest to anyone I care about. Or anyone, really.

Suddenly, there was a bang on my door that nearly made it fall off of its hinges. I got up slowly off of my chair, still tired from being woken up so early by that awful creature.

"Ian Kabra, open up this door!" a muffled voice hissed from the other side.

I frowned in confusion as I recognized Amy's voice. She didn't usually speak to me unless absolutely necessary.

"Coming," I called and reached for the door.

I pulled open the door, only to have it thrown open by an obviously outraged Amy Cahill.

"Wha-?"

Amy stormed in and grabbed the tie hanging from my neck, causing me to whirl around and slam the door that was hanging open shut with my hand.

"Amy, what are you-" I was cut off by her lips on mine, rather forcefully.

She slammed her lips to mine and started kissing me, hard. I froze for a moment out of sheer shock before kissing back, realizing what was going on.

For some inexplicable reason, the girl I had had a crush on for the longest time was making out with me.

Amy grinned into the kiss and stepped back a little, causing me to see what she was wearing. _Dear God-_

"What are you wearing?" I choked out.

Her outfit consisted of super short jean shorts and a lime green tank top that went to above her belly button, which had a diamond stud in it. She smiled alluringly and shoved me into the wall.

"Do you like? I figure it's time for a bit of a-"she leaned closer to my ear, "-change."

I held my breath as she kissed me again, thinking, _what on earth is going on here? Where is the Amy I know?_

Amy tugged lightly on my tie, causing me to snap back to reality as she whispered in my ear, "Do you like me Ian? Cause if you do, I won't tell a soul."

"Does this answer that?" I asked, kissing her again.

Suddenly, Amy threw herself back with a yell, leaning against the wall from the ground. "What are you _doing?" _she shouted, her back to the wall opposite of me.

"I don't…you just started kissing me!" I stammered, flabbergasted. _What the bloody hell was going on here?_

"Oh…." Amy said, trailing off as though she understood something I didn't.

"What is going on?" I asked, walking over to sit next to her on the floor.

Amy let out a breath and said, "Ian, didn't you know that I got diagnosed with multiple personality disorder last year?"

I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. "No, I can honestly say that I had no idea prior to just now that you had a disorder."

A sad grin appeared on her face. "Yeah, I call my other side Katrina. Like the natural disaster, _hurricane _Katrina?"

Not knowing how to respond, I just nodded. "And you turn into an insane, uh…"

Amy laughed this time, kind of fake sounding. "You can say it, Ian! I turn into an absolute slut."

I cleared my throat and said, "Yes, actually."

For some reason, Amy blushed. "God, look at what I'm wearing! Actually, don't. Wow, Katrina really is getting to me." She got up and started to walk out of the room. "Oh, and Ian? Could you please not mention that little, er, episode earlier?"

She was blushing beet red, and I grinned. "Of course not."

"Thanks!" Amy yelled as she ran down the hallway, seemingly eager to get out of my room.

**~lovelovelove~**

Over the next week I started getting used to the idea of Amy having Multiple Personality Disorder. It certainly still was a however, to see Amy with rainbow highlights streaked through her hair, wearing loads of jewelry and other rubbish.

"Blast it," I muttered after trying work the microwave in the Cahills' kitchen.

I was starving after trying to figure out how this microwave thing worked. Nellie wasn't here to make lunch for everyone, so I was attempting to heat up some leftover chicken parmesan from the night before.

"What are you _doing_?" a condescending voice asked me from the doorway to the kitchen.

"Oh, Katrina, I was just-"

"Failing at trying to work that thing?" she laughed meanly and pushed me out of the way. In a matter of seconds, the light inside had blinked on and the tray was rotating.

Her hair was curled, and the corkscrews were colored all different colors. She wore a hot pink mini skirt and tight black short sleeve shirt with four inch high heels that were neon yellow.

"Thanks," I told her, edging around her so my back was to the counter. "Did you need something?"

Katrina smiled, and I noticed that she had white eye shadow on with pink sparkles over top. "Oh, you know I need something," she whispered, leaning closer to me.

I almost kissed her before realizing that this wasn't Amy. This was some twisted other side who was trying too hard to impress me. And it wasn't working.

"No!" I yelped, ducking under her arm and running out of the room.

Katrina's voice trailed out of the room, "You'll be back! And you forgot your food!"

Shuddering, I turned into the hallway, nearly colliding with Sinead. "Wow, watch where you're-" She seemed to acknowledge the look on my face. "Was it Katrina?"

I nodded. "Did she try to make out with you again?" I nodded again. "Was she dressed like a slut?" I nodded, _once again_. Sinead let out a heaving sigh and said, "Just whatever you do, don't give Amy grief about it later. She cried herself to sleep all last month – this is really hard on her. She almost has no control when her mind goes haywire like that."

"I would never!" I defended. "Does she really? I've never had anything that traumatic happen to me or anyone I know. How does she deal with it?"

Sinead looked me in the eyes and said, "To be honest, the only way she consoles herself is by…." She trailed off, tears springing to her eyes.

I grabbed Sinead's wrist before she started to walk away. "Sinead, _what does she do_?"

I let her walk me to the living room after seeing Katrina storm back upstairs. Sinead was now clearly crying.

"Ian, I don't know what to do!" she told him, tears falling silently and quickly as they sat down on the couch.

My eyes widened and my stomach ached. What could possibly be wrong to make _Sinead Starling _of all people cry?

"Amy, she – she _cut_ herself."

For a moment, I just stared, my stomach ache making its way to my throat until I felt sick. "Just once?" I managed to ask, over the wavering in my vision.

I'll be the first to admit I'm a major jerk. But Amy had grown on me as a person, and in the past couple of months, I had realized I had a huge crush on her since before the Clue Hunt. To hear that she cut herself once made me want to beat the heck out of God – or whoever was causing this to happen to Amy.

I waited for Sinead to shake her head, _no. _But all she did was close her eyes and let out a little squeak from crying. "No," she whispered. "I thought she had gotten over it, but just a day or so ago I saw her slit her wrist with the tip of her razor. She says the pain clears her head and helps her to think."

I felt my world come crashing down in front of my eyes. Amy was the Cahills' rock. She was the very foundation that kept us running. Without her there would be no peace, Dan would have to become the Madrigal branch leader, and she had so many friends in the branches. And then there was me…

To my surprise I felt my eyes start to tear up. "Ian, are you crying?" Sinead asked me, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"No," I whispered gruffly, immediately drying them. "Where is the Edgar idiot when you need him to distract Amy?"

"Evan is the last person you want to be here right now, trust me." Sinead pushed her hair back away from her eyes. "My God, where have you been for the last few months? Evan broke up with Amy about three weeks after she was diagnosed. He was a total wimp about it, saying he couldn't handle Katrina constantly obsessing over…"

"Over what?"

Sinead grimaced slightly and said, "About you. That's all Katrina goes on about. 'Oh, Ian is so hot! Oh, Ian has dreamy eyes. Oh, Ian is a great kisser!'"

I felt my face heat up at the mention of my being a great kisser. "Multiple personality disease," I started, "Does it have any actual connection to the victim's normal personality?"

Maybe for the better, Sinead was more or less back to normal by now. "Wouldn't you like to know? If you care so much, look it up on Google," she said sarcastically. "And if you mention this conversation to Amy, I will kill you. I've been looking to test out that new chemical on someone to see if it can erode skin…"

I gulped and said, "Okay."

Sinead stood up and brushed herself off. Then, she turned around, and promptly exited the room.

For a moment, I just sat there until Dan and Natalie walked in, arguing good-naturedly as always.

"What's wrong with you, Ian?" Natalie asked, seeing my face.

I just stared at her, and then said, "My world is falling apart around me."

**~lovelovelove~**

Later that night, I was sitting in my room, door locked this time. Everyone was out doing something with each other, and I was the odd-one-out as usual, sitting in my room, writing my poetry. Must have to do with being as good looking as I am.

Suddenly, I heard a bang from the upstairs and a scream that almost shook the walls. I jumped up from my chair, startled. Everyone was gone.

I grabbed a broom from a closet on the way up the stairs. The noise seemed to have come from Amy's room, so I walked slowly down her and Sinead's hallway, which was painted a shade of pale blue which I could hardly see in the dark. There was light streaming from the crack near the floor of Amy's door, and rock music was blaring out of the speakers. Huh. Maybe Katrina was here, and she hadn't felt like going out.

Slowly, I pushed open the door to see Amy sobbing hysterically on her bed.

"Amy, what's wrong?" I asked, running over to her.

Her head was in her arms, but when she lifted her tear streaked face, I saw that her forearms were bleeding, and she had one of her razors in her hand.

"Oh," she said, stuffing the razor into her pillow and covering her arms like I hadn't already seen. "What are you doing in here?" she asked, sniffling.

I blinked a few times, trying to wrap my mind around what I was seeing. "Is that Katrina or Amy?" I asked gently.

Suddenly, Amy got up and kicked the wall, her arms still dripping slowly with blood. "I don't know! And that's the problem! I just don't know. I used to be two sides of the spectrum – black or white. And then, after a while, it all started to run together. I feel like two shades of the same gray, Katrina or Amy, good or bad, fighter or fleer." She looked up at me, tears silently streaming down her pretty face.

I stepped forward to hug Amy but instead only said, "Amy, you are who you want to be. And cutting yourself," I gestured to her cuts, "is not going to help you. Please, just talk to me. I'm here for you."

Amy grimaced bitterly, and walked over to the bathroom which her room was connected to. She reached in and pulled out a wet washcloth, which she used to mop up the blood slowly staining her arms. "Like you were there for me in Korea?"

This time, I was the one who started tearing up. "Amy, you will never understand how sorry I am. Never. I hope you never feel as guilty as I do now, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Every day I see you, I'm faced with the memory of leaving you in that cave."

Much to my surprised, Amy flung herself into my arms, almost giving me an electric shock from her being so close to me, and sobbed saying, "I wish this whole mess could just fade away! I want to go back to being white, not gray or black! And I really wish-"

I cut her off my gently placing my lips on hers. Amy quite literally melted in my embrace, kissing me back slowly. Everything around us froze in time, and whenever her hand touched my arm, it felt like I was being shocked. But in a totally amazing way.

"Just don't think," I whispered to her. "Maybe the old Amy is gone, but in her place is one just as wonderful and beautiful as the one I fell in love with. You don't need this," I pointed at her razor, "To be happy. Think of everyone else if you collapsed."

Amy gasped as though finally seeing what I was and I could've sworn I saw the face of everyone she loved flash through her eyes. She buried my face in my chest and said, "You're right. But that won't stop me from wishing I knew who I was."

"You're Amy." My voice was firm. "You're the girl I love. You're the Madrigal leader. You're a big sister. You're a beloved member of the Cahills. You're the smartest girl most people know, including me. You're the person everybody loves, because it's just so hard not to. And Katrina? She's just part of all of that. And I love you more for it."

Nothing else I had ever said had been as true as what I said to Amy.

For a moment, Amy just clung to me until she murmured, "Thank you."

We stood there in silence, just enjoying being with each other. Outside, through the window, I saw a shooting star go flying by in the night.

"Look," I whispered to Amy. "A shooting star. Any wish you make on one of them has to come true."

Amy gazed at it, and I heard her whisper softly and carefully to our blazing star, "I wish…."

**Was I the only one who kind of got teary eyed? Yeah, maybe. I'm an emotional mess most of the time. XD Please review!**

~Dani :D


End file.
